When parents separate or divorce, children are affected in many different ways.  If the parents fail to effectively communicate then children may not be properly prepared for the challenges that teens face in relationships.  The ubiquitous use of cell phones by teenagers has some benefits but also many dangers. Sexting is one of the potential dangers that face all teens, but which teens of divorced and separated parents may be more susceptible to.  Parents should discuss the personal and legal ramifications of sexting with their children and this is just one of many conversations that divorced and separated parents should coordinate so that the information received by the child is consistent. Below is an infographic with some of the information that parents and children should know about sexting and the consequences. Permanent Picture: Teen Sexting (And What Parents Should Do About It) ( via Intella Blog ) Above is an infographic provided by  Intella Blog . ...

The 2016 U.S. Presidential election has many talking points and topics that engender strong reactions.  The significant difference between the various presidential candidates and their platforms explains some of the vehemence with which many defend or attack the 2016 candidates.  Since this blog focuses primarily on the impact of the law on families and family conflict, we will concentrate on only one portion of the presidential platforms: How does each 2016 U.S. Presidential Platform address the American family? These platforms are presented in no particular order and we do not endorse any of the following platform positions.  We are providing them specifically so you can decide for yourselves (and we encourage all eligible voters to vote in the election ): 2016 Republican Party Platform Word Cloud The 2016 Republican Party Platform  mentions the words "family" or "families" 72 times, the words "child" or "children" 50 times, the word...

UPDATE: With the passage of the Massachusetts Parentage Act, the definitions of legal parentage have been updated by the legislature.  Read this article to learn more:  The Massachusetts Parentage Act by Polly Crozier, Director of Family Advocacy, GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders Original Post: Post by Julie Tolek .  Julie is an Associate at Skylark Law & Mediation, PC and runs her own practice, Think Pink Law.  Julie's practice includes family law & divorce representation, firearms licensing & NFA trusts, estate planning & probate, and adoptions. Three's Company:  Three Parent Adoptions When most people think of legal parenthood, they probably think of it as a single or joint endeavor with another person. An often overlooked but equally legal option is to have more than two legal parents. In situations in which there are more than two people who would like to care for a child and have legal parental rights, a three parent adoptio...

UPDATE: With the passage of the Massachusetts Parentage Act, the definitions of legal parentage have been updated by the legislature.  Read this article to learn more:  The Massachusetts Parentage Act by Polly Crozier, Director of Family Advocacy, GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders Original Post: Post by Julie Tolek .  Julie is an Associate at Skylark Law & Mediation, PC and runs her own practice, Think Pink Law.  Julie's practice includes family law & divorce representation, firearms licensing & NFA trusts, estate planning & probate, and adoptions. Adoption Adoption is the process by which one person becomes a parent by legally agreeing to care for another person’s biological child and to raise the child as his or her own biological child.  The adoptive parent acquires the legal rights and obligations of parentage including the legal rights to make decision about every aspect of the child's health and happiness. The Adoption Proc...

UPDATE: With the passage of the Massachusetts Parentage Act, the definitions of legal parentage have been updated by the legislature.  Read this article to learn more:  The Massachusetts Parentage Act by Polly Crozier, Director of Family Advocacy, GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders Original Post: As discussed in our previous post, in order to include the father's name on the birth certificate he and the mother must sign a Voluntary Acknowledgment of Paternity.  If a mother or father refuses to sign the Voluntary Acknowledgement of Paternity, then paternity can only be established by court action and the mother alone will appear on the birth certificate until there is an order of the court to add the father. If the father or mother wants to establish paternity of a child in Massachusetts, then either party can file a Complaint to Establish Paternity with the Probate and Family Court.  If the presumed father denies or is unsure that he is the father of the ch...

UPDATE: With the passage of the Massachusetts Parentage Act, the definitions of legal parentage have been updated by the legislature.  Read this article to learn more:  The Massachusetts Parentage Act by Polly Crozier, Director of Family Advocacy, GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders Original Post: Unmarried mothers in Massachusetts are presumed to be the legal and physical custodian of a child without going to court.   Unmarried fathers in Massachusetts are not provided with any legal or physical custody rights without going to court, unless they are added to the Birth Certificate at the time of the child's birth.  This is despite the fact that a child support obligation can begin to accrue upon the birth of the child even if the father is unaware of their existence or not involved in the child's life. The Birth Certificate is completed with information provided by the mother of the baby. If she is unmarried, then she can request the father's name be inclu...

UPDATE: With the passage of the Massachusetts Parentage Act, the definitions of legal parentage have been updated by the legislature.  Read this article to learn more:  The Massachusetts Parentage Act by Polly Crozier, Director of Family Advocacy, GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders Original Post: Many have tried to frame the debate over same-sex marriage or LGBT rights to be a debate over the changing definition of parents and family.  But the truth is that the definition of family has been constantly changing and evolving and the definition of a parent has always differed from family to family.  Some people are raised by a male and female parent, and others are raised by a grandparent, or one parent, or two female or two male parents.  And many children have more than two people that function as parents and role models. The definition of biological parent is clear; requiring a male and female genetic component to create a child.  However, definin...

On Friday, November 13, 2015 terrorists attacked three locations in Paris, France , killing 129 people , in the most deadly attack on French soil since World War II.  I recently tried to explain to my 6 year old daughter what lessons we can learn from these attacks and from how the world reacted.  Through tears of my own, I explained to her that there are bad people in this world and there are good people. I told her that unfortunately we can't tell who are the good people and who are the bad people just by looking at them.  But we can tell who are the good people and who are the bad people by what they do.  I explained that bad people had killed good and innocent people without reason because they are controlled by their fear and anger. But more importantly, I explained how good people reacted.  Despite the natural inclination to protect oneself above all else, many Parisians opened their doors to strangers in the immediate wake of the attacks.  The ...

Everyday someone fails.  Sometimes marriages fail and sometimes parents fail.   Sometimes the courts fail families and sometimes lawyers do.  Sometimes mediation fails to help people reach agreements, and sometimes people fail to help themselves. But sometimes, we also succeed.  There are success stories in family court, mediation and collaborative sessions that save relationships, and parents who overcome divorce to raise good confident children.  Today was one of those success stories and it's one worth sharing: Today, I didn't fight for my client.  I didn't beat the opposing party.  I didn't solve the problem triumphantly by myself. Today, I didn't win. Instead, the opposing counsel, the collaborative coach and I did something together, as a team.  We helped two parents talk.  That might seem simple and easy, but for some parents, in some situations, it is not.  It took preparation and time, and some failures along the way. ...

Source: BestMastersInCounseling.com

In Massachusetts, if you have any minor children at the time of the filing of a divorce case, you are required to attend the Court-sponsored Parents Apart education program before you can be divorced.  There has not traditionally been a similar requirement for never married parents in Massachusetts, despite the fact that separating parents will have many of the same issues regardless of whether they were married or not. Children whose parents live in separate households may face many of the same difficulties regardless of whether their parents were married.  Recognizing this need, the Probate & Family Court in Massachusetts has a pilot program in three counties seeking to expand parent education for never married parents.  Under Standing Order 6-08  Judges in Hampshire, Essex and Suffolk counties may order parents to attend a program known as "For the Children" when they are a party to a Complaint to Establish Paternity, a Complaint for Custody/Support/Visitat...

When parents are considering the D-word, they may have many fears, concerns and questions:  How will I afford a divorce?   How often will I see my children?   Where will I live?  Will the divorce hurt my children?   For most parents this last question can be so concerning that it causes them to put off their divorce.  Even when a divorce is inevitable parents are often paralyzed by their fear of how the divorce may impact their children, especially when the children are young.  This fear is warranted because many parents significantly damage their children's mental health by how they divorce and how they manage their relationship after the divorce. A recent thread on Reddit highlighted the question:   Reddit Children of Divorce, what was the biggest thing you learned from your parents split and how did you end up? Many of the responses are both heartbreaking and insightful: Excerpt from  AskReddit Split, a recent film, also explore...

The most common reason for divorcing spouses to continue living in the same house is because neither wants to leave their children behind. When a parent leaves the home and moves to another location without an agreement for parenting plan in place, they are essentially ceding physical custody to the other parent. Physical custody is simply defined as who the children reside with and unless there is a plan in place, if only one parent lives in the children's home, then that parent necessarily has physical custody (it is possible for a parent to move out with the children, but this is unusual except in cases of abuse). While many parents will fight over who can remain in the home during this time period, this argument is a distraction from the reality that eventually divorcing spouses will live separate and apart. It makes more sense for the spouse who will eventually move to begin investigating their other options as soon as possible, and for parents to work out a realistic pa...

A Caregiver Authorization is an alternative to going to court for a guardianship of a minor. It is a form that allows a parent to give a Caregiver the power to make medical and education decisions for a child. A Caregiver is someone the child lives with who is not a parent. A Caregiver Authorization is different from a Guardianship in a few major ways: 1. It does not give the Caregiver custody of the child, only the right to make decisions. 2. It does not take away any powers from the parents, and the parents retain final decision making authority. 3. A Caregiver Authorization can be revoked by a parent via letter to the caregiver. A Caregiver Authorization is good for two years or until a parent revokes it. For more information regarding why you would use a Caregiver Authorization and how to complete it read the Massachusetts Caregiver Instructions provided by the Court. Click here to obtain the Caregiver Authorization Form .

In our previous post we explained what a parent coordinator is. But it's also important to point out that Parent Coordinators cannot solve all of your problems, especially if you're not willing to work with them. Parent Coordinators are NOT Therapists. They are not hired to help you deal with your personal issues, but rather for the specific purpose of helping you learn to co-parent effectively. Parent Coordinators are NOT Couples Therapists. They are also not hired to help you "fix" or understand your relationship with your ex. Their job is to help you help your children by learning to communicate better. Parent Coordinators are NOT Mediators. While some of what they do is similar to mediation, you're not trying to reach an agreement on a specific issue. One specific issue may result in your calling the coordinator, but long term the process is not about mediating one issue, but learning how to resolve all parenting issues more civilly. Parent Coo...

According to the Guidelines for Parenting Coordination developed by the AFCC Task Force on Parenting Coordination: "Parenting coordination is a child-focused alternative dispute resolution process in which a mental health or legal professional with mediation training and experience assists high conflict parents to implement their parenting plan by facilitating the resolution of their disputes in a timely manner, educating parents about children's needs, and with prior approval of the parties and/or the court, making decisions within the scope of the court order or appointment contract." In other words, a Parent Coordinator helps parents avoid court by mediating their co-parenting disagreements. Although some states have statutes that define Parent Coordinator's powers, in Massachusetts there is no statutory authority for parenting coordination. Judges differ on whether they have authority to order Parent Coordinators without a statute granting them that author...

YOUR KIDS GET HURT! It seems obvious, but unfortunately many couples get caught up in the emotion of divorce and lose their ability to see their actions objectively. This is one of the reasons the Massachusetts Probate & Family Courts under Standing Order 99-1 require parents with minor children to attend the Court-sponsored Parents Apart education program. The Program discusses the impact of Divorce on children and tries to help parents understand how sending messages through children can be so damaging to children. If you need more convincing read this Rant posted on Craigslist by a child of divorce (Warning: the rant contains strong language). A brochure which lists the names, addresses and telephone numbers of the various organizations that provide the Parent Education program, in alphabetical order by town, is available by clicking here .

According to a 12 year study by Dr. Robert E. Emery, Ph.D., a Professor of Psychology and Director of the Center for Children, Families, and the Law at the University of Virginia, Mediation can have a dramatic impact on children of divorce and their relationship with a non-residential parent. Dr. Emery summarizes his findings in the recent issue of the Family Mediation Quarterly . The study used a coin-flip to decide whether high-conflict custody cases would try a short-term (five hour average) mediation. The results of only five hours of mediation were amazing, especially with relation to the children. Twelve years after the average divorce in America, nonresident parents saw their children weekly in only 11% of cases. In the cases where the parties tried mediation based solely on a coin-flip 28% of nonresident parents saw their children weekly after 12 years. This is a significant difference and the difference is even more significant with reference to telephone contact (week...

In most cases bringing your new significant other or your children to court with you is a bad idea. Bringing a Significant Other: In most cases having a third party in the courthouse (especially a significant other) inflames the other party and makes settlement less likely. While this is not always the case, the risk of making settlement more difficult is usually not worth the benefit of having a third party there. Also, court is relatively boring. Your significant other will be able to wait with you in the courthouse but he/she will not be able to attend any family service meetings (i.e. required mediation prior to the court hearing). Court involves a lot of waiting around and there is usually something better that people can be doing with their time. For these reasons I usually recommend that clients come alone to court, but in the end it is your call. Bringing your Children: Whether or not the hearing involves your children bringing them to court with you is a bad ...

On April 7, 2010, the Chief Justice of the Probate and Family Courts in Massachusetts, Paula M. Carey, signed Standing Order 1-10: Special Procedures for Cases Involving Children. That order sets out the details for a pilot program in the Hampshire Division of the Probate and Family Court. The pilot program is intended to provide special services and requirements related to the resolution of child-related issues in any case involving children (such as Divorce, Separate Support, Paternity, Support/Custody/Visitation, Modification, Contempt, Guardianship and Termination of Parental Rights cases). The order requires, among other things, that attorneys and parents/care-givers attempt to solve parenting related problems before seeking the assistance of the court, and to conduct themselves in a way that recognizes the unique issues involved in child-related cases. More specifically, the order requires that parties and their attorneys participate in an "Introductory Meeting", n...