Today is the third Thursday of October, which also happens to be Conflict Resolution Day.  While that may not seem as fun as International Pancake Day , Conflict Resolution Day is an opportunity to think about the challenges we face in our lives, and wonder: Is there a better way to think about conflict;  a model which can free us from our fear of conflict? Conflict is a part of everyday life.  In our individual struggles to survive, grow, connect, and control the world around us, we often find that someone or something is in our way or making it harder to reach our goals.  It is a natural, animal instinct to envision these conflicts as a simple dichotomy: me v. you, us v. them, plaintiff v. defendant, the hero v. the villain, etc.  We see conflict most simply as a tug of war between two positions, two competing interests.  But what if we're thinking about conflict all wrong. If I win, you lose.  If you win, I lose. Picturing conflict ...

One of the principles of collaborative law is a team approach to joint problem solving.  The team approach to joint problem solving has numerous advantages: We're smarter together: each team member brings a different background and expertise to the team.  As the saying goes, a jack of all trades is a master of none.  On a team, each person can be a master of their trade and rely on others for the knowledge they can't individually maintain.  In addition, as humans, professional team members sometimes make mistakes.  When we are open to feedback from other professionals, there is a greater chance that mistakes are minimized and corrected, ultimately offering a better service or product to the clients. We're better together : each team member brings different experiences to problem solving.  Our experiences shape our ability to empathize and be creative in problem solving.  Having different experiences at the table increases the likelihood of spo...

There are a number of questions that must be answered when dividing a retirement account in a divorce.  Divorcing couples are often focused specifically on the amount or percentage of the account funds that they are dividing.  It is also important, though, to identify the date of that division, and whether investment changes are included or not.  This information is necessary because dividing a retirement account is not as immediate as dividing a liquid asset. Dividing a retirement account in divorce requires a special court order (usually called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order or QDRO) .  The process of obtaining and implementing one of these orders is not immediate, and requires approval by both the court and the plan's administrator.  During this time, the account will change value.  Accounts change in value due to market fluctuations, but also due to withdrawals, loans, and ongoing contributions.  All of these changes can create havoc wit...

Use "and" instead of "but" .  It's a simple change that in conversation and writing can mean a world of difference.  That difference is inherent in how we hear and read the word "but".  "But" has a negating connotation, implying that everything that came before it isn't true. I think this is a valuable lesson, but it's not revolutionary.   I think this is a valuable lesson, and  it's not revolutionary. Which one of those sentences gives you the impression I think both things are true (which I in fact do believe)?  Obviously the "and" changes the way we read that sentence.  In fact, you only have to search google for the phrase  "and instead of but"  to see that many people have shared this idea before me.  It's not revolutionary, and it remains a valuable lesson, especially for mediators and negotiators. Frankie, a contributor on Medium, highlighted  that the importance of making this cha...

Some Judges have long recognized the need for what Frank Sander called the "multi-door courthouse," a place where people in a dispute can find multiple ways of resolving that dispute, not just litigation. In a concurring opinion in the Cooper v. Keto case, Massachusetts Appeals Justice Brown pointed out that "Litigation should be the last option, not the first."   He also quoted a retired Judge's article in the Boston Bar Journal lamenting whether lawyers were adequately addressing this issue: "'technical competence' of lawyers to litigate is greater today than ever, but lawyers often 'fail to consider whether doing it is useful'." The good news is that many courts, especially family courts, are starting to recognize this need, and there are a more and more pilot programs taking place that provide opportunities for families to find alternative ways to resolve their conflict.  In Massachusetts, there is a program in the Hampshire ...

UPDATE: The MA SJC weighed in on this issue with a definitive "yes": in  Openshaw v. Openshaw - Massachusetts SJC Rules that when savings was part of the marital lifestyle then a judge may consider that history in determining a recipient's "need" for alimony in divorce: The SJC ruled that when the court finds that "ongoing, regular saving was part of the couple's standard of living during the long-term marriage and that the parties' combined postdissolution income is adequate to allow both spouses to maintain the standard of living enjoyed during the marriage" then a "judge may account for a divorcing  couple's custom of making regular contributions to their savings plans in determining, under G. L. c. 208, § 53 (alimony statute or § 53),  the amount of alimony needed to maintain the marital lifestyle." Original Post: In Massachusetts, Alimony is defined by the Alimony Reform Act of 2011 (the "Act").  We've previ...

In 2017 and 2018 the Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines were updated twice, resulting in a new worksheet calculation that encompasses numerous changes from the prior iteration (2013).  Here are some useful resources explaining the changes: 8 Changes in the 2017 Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines 2018 Child Support Guidelines Update: Fixing the Table B Problem 2018 Child Support Guidelines Update: Fixing the Double Counting of Health Care and Child Care Credits While understanding how the calculation works is important, sometimes all we need is the ability to run a number of sample calculations quickly.  For that purpose you can use the court's pdf worksheet available here , or one of these useful tools: 2018 MA Child Support Calculator iPhone App this calculator is also available in a suite of calculators called: MA Divorce Calculators iPhone App and we also have a free online calculator that works in any web-browser: 2018 Mas...