WE HELP FAMILIES RESOLVE CONFLICT PEACEFULLY


Tuesday, August 14, 2018

What Does it Mean to Call Yourself a Collaborative Lawyer?

It's not unusual to hear a lawyer describe themselves as collaborative.  I've also heard "I haven't taken the Collaborative Law training, but I certainly consider myself collaborative!"

But what do they mean by that?  Does it mean they offer collaborative law as an option to their clients, or just that they're willing to start a case in out-of-court negotiations and see where it leads?  Does it mean that they understand the collaborative law principles, or simply that they try to be civil with opposing counsel?

Civility and Collaboration are not the same thing.  In fact, many lawyers think of true "collaboration" as a dirty word.  I imagine them picturing the World War II signs labeling French civilians as "collaborators" and shuddering at the thought.  The problem with this mentality, especially in family law, is it means that you are thinking of the opposing party (and their counsel) as the enemy.  You might be civil to an enemy, but begrudgingly at best.  You might cooperate with an enemy for mutual self-interest, but you'll never trust them.  You'll never truly want to work together with an enemy.

Collaborative Law asks us to take a different approach.

The opposing party in a conflict is not my enemy.  They may have some competing interests, but in all likelihood they have many of the same goals and interests.  If you ask most parties in a conflict, they would both agree that they want to minimize lawyer fees, that they want to minimize the amount of time they spend in conflict, and that they want to have control over the outcome.  In a family case, they will almost always agree that the best interest of the children is a priority and that financial stability is also an important goal.

When we recognize that the joint goals often significantly outnumber and outweigh the areas of disagreement, we acknowledge the value of working together towards a mutually agreeable resolution of the conflict.  We see the value in collaboration, because we are not enemies just because we have a disagreement.  Even if that disagreement is painful and difficult, when we acknowledge the human dignity of the other side of a conflict, we invite a mutual respect and we make room for creativity and cooperation in joint problem solving.

Being a Collaborative lawyer is not just about civility.  That should be a given anyway.  Being a Collaborative lawyer is about shifting from a mindset where the other party or counsel is the problem to overcome, to a mindset where we define the disagreement as a joint problem and try to solve it together.

So if you want to call yourself collaborative, take the time to learn what it's really about.  Challenge yourself to set aside your misconceptions about problem solving, and offer to your clients an opportunity to find peaceful resolution instead of waging war and creating an enemy.

If I've piqued your interest or curiosity, there is an upcoming training in Salem, Massachusetts on September 20 and 21.  Learn more or register here.


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