Skip to main content

What Does it Mean to Call Yourself a Collaborative Lawyer?

It's not unusual to hear a lawyer describe themselves as collaborative.  I've also heard "I haven't taken the Collaborative Law training, but I certainly consider myself collaborative!"

But what do they mean by that?  Does it mean they offer collaborative law as an option to their clients, or just that they're willing to start a case in out-of-court negotiations and see where it leads?  Does it mean that they understand the collaborative law principles, or simply that they try to be civil with opposing counsel?

Civility and Collaboration are not the same thing.  In fact, many lawyers think of true "collaboration" as a dirty word.  I imagine them picturing the World War II signs labeling French civilians as "collaborators" and shuddering at the thought.  The problem with this mentality, especially in family law, is it means that you are thinking of the opposing party (and their counsel) as the enemy.  You might be civil to an enemy, but begrudgingly at best.  You might cooperate with an enemy for mutual self-interest, but you'll never trust them.  You'll never truly want to work together with an enemy.

Collaborative Law asks us to take a different approach.

The opposing party in a conflict is not my enemy.  They may have some competing interests, but in all likelihood they have many of the same goals and interests.  If you ask most parties in a conflict, they would both agree that they want to minimize lawyer fees, that they want to minimize the amount of time they spend in conflict, and that they want to have control over the outcome.  In a family case, they will almost always agree that the best interest of the children is a priority and that financial stability is also an important goal.

When we recognize that the joint goals often significantly outnumber and outweigh the areas of disagreement, we acknowledge the value of working together towards a mutually agreeable resolution of the conflict.  We see the value in collaboration, because we are not enemies just because we have a disagreement.  Even if that disagreement is painful and difficult, when we acknowledge the human dignity of the other side of a conflict, we invite a mutual respect and we make room for creativity and cooperation in joint problem solving.

Being a Collaborative lawyer is not just about civility.  That should be a given anyway.  Being a Collaborative lawyer is about shifting from a mindset where the other party or counsel is the problem to overcome, to a mindset where we define the disagreement as a joint problem and try to solve it together.

So if you want to call yourself collaborative, take the time to learn what it's really about.  Challenge yourself to set aside your misconceptions about problem solving, and offer to your clients an opportunity to find peaceful resolution instead of waging war and creating an enemy.

If I've piqued your interest or curiosity, there is an upcoming training in Salem, Massachusetts on September 20 and 21.  Learn more or register here.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

What is the purpose of the Divorce Nisi waiting period?

In Massachusetts the statutory waiting period after a Judgment of Divorce and before the divorce becomes final (or absolute) is called the Nisi period. After a divorce case settles or goes to trial, a Judgment of Divorce Nisi will issue and it will become Absolute after a further ninety (90) days. This waiting period serves the purpose of allowing parties to change their mind before the divorce becomes final. If the Judgment of Divorce Nisi has issued but not become final yet, and you and your spouse decide you don't want to get divorced, then you can file a Motion to Dismiss and the Judgment will be undone. Although many of my clients who are getting divorced think the idea of getting back together with their ex sounds crazy, I have had cases where this happened. In addition to offering a grace period to change your mind, the Nisi period has three other legal effects: 1. The most obvious effect of the waiting period is that you cannot remarry during the Nisi period, be...

2024 U.S. Presidential Party Platforms - What are the policy positions that could affect families?

While the laws that affect family formation, marriage and divorce are often made at the state level, there are also many policies and laws at the federal level that affect families and children.  Just some examples from recent years that have impacted families in my mediation practice include changes to the federal tax laws (such as  the elimination of the alimony tax deduction ) and U.S. Supreme Court rulings on same sex marriage and reproductive health rights.  In just over a month, the United States presidential election will have a significant impact on these federal policies going forward, and could choose the next appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court as well. In 2016 and 2020 we shared what each presidential platform said about families and policy regarding family formation and dissolution, and below we'll provide you an update on the 2024 presidential platforms.  As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."...

Updating your Divorce Agreement Template - More Lessons from Cavanagh v. Cavanagh

We recently posted a lengthy review of the the Massachusetts SJC decision in Cavanagh v. Cavanagh (2002)  which included some recommendations for drafting divorce agreements, also typically called Separation Agreements.  The Cavanagh case is best known for it's clarification of how the courts should evaluate support calculations when a case may have both alimony and child support.  However, the case also contained numerous rulings that should make practitioners review their Separation Agreement templates and change some of the ways in which they may have previously drafted certain sections. In this post we'll share actual language from the Gray Jay Endeavors, LLC form Separation Agreement template which addresses each of the issues raised by the Cavanagh decision.  If you are a professional interested in purchasing the full Separation Agreement template, check out Gray Jay's  forms subscription which includes editable Massachusetts court forms and financial st...