A  recent LinkedIn discussion debated the value of consulting a lawyer when participating in mediation.  Here are the pros and cons: Benefits of Hiring a Lawyer while Participating in Mediation: Legal Advice: A mediator can provide legal information but not legal advice.  That's because legal advice is particular to your individual situation and the mediator as a neutral shouldn't be providing advice to either individual.   A Private Sounding Board : Sometimes people are afraid to raise certain issues in mediation because they're not sure if it's relevant or how the other person will react.  A lawyer can help you decide what issues you should raise and the best way to raise them. Education about the Law :  Mediation is a negotiation, and if you don't have a lawyer with you then you are negotiating for yourself.  One of the best ways to do well in a negotiation is to be prepared.  While the mediator can provide legal information, you may not even know th

A good break-up song doesn't make everything okay, but it can make a break-up seem more bearable . Music allows us to express feelings of hurt or anger rather than hide them, and healing depends on that healthy expression.   Mediation also encourages the healthy and constructive expression of strong emotions in a safe environment. The mediation process allows each individual to share what feels fair to them, instead of just the information that is admissible in the court process .  By allowing people to find their own solutions, mediation is as freeing as rolling down the windows in your car, turning up the radio and singing along with your favorite break-up song. Here are just a few of our favorite break-up songs from the mediators and staff at Skylark Law & Mediation, P.C. (warning some videos may have NSFW language): Don't like these or have a different favorite?  Share your favorite break-up song in the comments section below. Click here to learn more a

I recently read a post entitled "Why 'Fair' is the F-Word in Divorce Negotiations"  by Shawn Weber, which posits that fairness, as a subjective concept, bogs people down and can keep them from reaching agreements.  I agree with Mr. Weber that the focus of divorce negotiation should be "on making a decision that can end the conflict so that a person can move on, which in turn will bring peace."   However, I also believe that sometimes understanding the concept of "what is fair" to a person is integral to a couple finding peace. Mr. Weber rightly points out that asking the question "what is fair" will often result in two answers that do not intersect.  Consider, for example, a hypothetical couple fighting over whether the children are ready to meet the mother's new boyfriend.  The mother may think it's unfair for her not to have the choice of when is the right time to make that introduction, and the father may think it's unfai

In most cases, an experienced divorce attorney can tell you after a one hour consultation the range of what you can expect to happen if you go to court.  Good attorneys will give you reasonable expectations of how the court process can go and what it will cost, but even the best attorneys sometimes forget that "what a court can do" and "what a family should do" are not always the same thing. Unfortunately, many people end up feeling that the resolutions crafted by Judges are unfair, even when they "won" the case.  The reason court solutions often feel unfair is because they are limited to the statutes and case law.  Judge's don't have unlimited discretion (or time) to find the best solution for a family.   They have to find the solution that is least offensive within the boundaries of the law. When people choose an out-of-court settlement option, like mediation or collaborative negotiation , one of the advantages is that they don't have to

On Friday, February 19, 2016, Massachusetts Representative John Fernandes filed House Bill HD4546  to override the ruling of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court in Chin v. Merriot, a case which marked the return of lifetime alimony in Massachusetts. Fox 25 News reported on the filing , and spoke with Steve Hitner , who was part of the Task Force that drafted the bill.  Steve, and many others (including the authors of this blog), believed the Alimony Reform Act of 2011 clearly allowed the modification of merged alimony orders in instances of retirement age or cohabitation.  However, the SJC read the Act to only allow application of these rules for post March 1, 2012 orders.  Unless the legislature acts, this means that there are different rules for pre-2012 and post-2012 alimony cases. HD 4546 would clarify the Act, by allowing modification of pre-2012 orders for cohabitation or for the payor reaching full social security retirement age.  If you want to support this bill follow

About six months ago, I changed my e-mail sign-off.  This may seem like a trivial thing that many people wouldn't notice, but sometimes the small details about how you manage your practice have a big impact. After reading an article entitled 57 Ways to Sign Off an Email , I decided to change my e-mail sign-off from the formal "very truly yours."  "Very truly yours" was an e-mail sign-off I never thought about until I read this article.  It was just part of my signature on letters, and therefore e-mails as well.  It came from a partner at the first firm I worked at, and I never thought about what it said about me or my brand.  It didn't mean that I was "true" or "yours".  It just meant "this is the end of the e-mail." When I decided to make the e-mail sign-off my own, it went from something trivial to something I obsessed about.  How could I convey "who am I" in one to three words at the end of an e-mail?  I worried