Skip to main content

Post-Divorce Problems: My Ex is Doing Better than Me

Image
By

While our last post explored what happens when your ex violates the Divorce Judgment, what happens if everyone is following the agreement perfectly, but one of you has clearly got an advantage?

A common complaint that potential clients express to us is a dissatisfaction with their prior agreement or judgment because their ex-spouse seems to be doing very well.  They might have a bigger house, or take a lot of vacations, or have a really nice car.  In some cases this is a legitimate indicator that a support order may not be fair, and in those cases a Complaint for Modification may be warranted (our next few posts will address when this is appropriate).

However, many times this imbalance reflects something which can’t be fixed by a Complaint for Modification.  In some cases exes have not fully accepted the divorce yet, and comparing your lifestyle to your exes is an indication that you haven’t yet moved on.    Even with a well-crafted agreement your life is unlikely to turn out exactly equal to your exes.

Many couples divorce because they have different views on finances and in these cases usually one spouse is good at budgeting and the other is not.  Divorce doesn’t change these habits, and a spender will still be a spender and a saver will still be a saver.  A few years after a divorce, these different habits will become evident in the lifestyle of each ex-spouse.  One of the consequences of separating your finances in the divorce is to give each person the chance to fail or succeed on their own, and if your ex has succeeded because they manage their finances better you have no legal (or moral) right to gain an ongoing benefit from that success.

In other cases, the imbalance that has been created is due to poor choices that were made at the time of the divorce.  Both you and your ex-spouse may be equally good at budgeting, but if you made poor financial trades in your property division then you may be feeling the consequences of that now.  For example if you were divorced in 2004 (prior to the housing market crash) and you took house equity in exchange for your spouse taking other assets, then you probably lost out on that deal.  Your ex might still have close to their original value of assets, while you are left with little to no home equity.

I have often tried to explain to divorcing clients that trading one type of asset for another often has both tax consequences and risk/benefit consequences.  Pinning one’s hopes in the housing market for their retirement is not always the best idea (especially not right now).  However, many people still choose to trade different types of assets, in order to meet a non-financial goal, such as being able to stay in their home.

Once a property division is completed, these types of decisions, and their consequences, cannot be revisited.  The importance of understanding your property division and its potential consequences is one of the most important reasons to consult with good legal counsel, and oftentimes with financial planning experts as well.

Click here to learn more about crafting appropriate Divorce Agreements.


Labels:

Comments

  1. SebastianJanuary 22, 2012 at 4:31 AM

    Sometimes that's the worst thing in a divorce when some financial issues are been discussed and most of it is favorable in the opposing party.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What is the purpose of the Divorce Nisi waiting period?

By
In Massachusetts the statutory waiting period after a Judgment of Divorce and before the divorce becomes final (or absolute) is called the Nisi period. After a divorce case settles or goes to trial, a Judgment of Divorce Nisi will issue and it will become Absolute after a further ninety (90) days. This waiting period serves the purpose of allowing parties to change their mind before the divorce becomes final. If the Judgment of Divorce Nisi has issued but not become final yet, and you and your spouse decide you don't want to get divorced, then you can file a Motion to Dismiss and the Judgment will be undone. Although many of my clients who are getting divorced think the idea of getting back together with their ex sounds crazy, I have had cases where this happened. In addition to offering a grace period to change your mind, the Nisi period has three other legal effects: 1. The most obvious effect of the waiting period is that you cannot remarry during the Nisi period, be...
76 comments
Read more

2024 U.S. Presidential Party Platforms - What are the policy positions that could affect families?

By
While the laws that affect family formation, marriage and divorce are often made at the state level, there are also many policies and laws at the federal level that affect families and children.  Just some examples from recent years that have impacted families in my mediation practice include changes to the federal tax laws (such as  the elimination of the alimony tax deduction ) and U.S. Supreme Court rulings on same sex marriage and reproductive health rights.  In just over a month, the United States presidential election will have a significant impact on these federal policies going forward, and could choose the next appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court as well. In 2016 and 2020 we shared what each presidential platform said about families and policy regarding family formation and dissolution, and below we'll provide you an update on the 2024 presidential platforms.  As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."...
1 comment
Read more

Updating your Divorce Agreement Template - More Lessons from Cavanagh v. Cavanagh

By
We recently posted a lengthy review of the the Massachusetts SJC decision in Cavanagh v. Cavanagh (2002)  which included some recommendations for drafting divorce agreements, also typically called Separation Agreements.  The Cavanagh case is best known for it's clarification of how the courts should evaluate support calculations when a case may have both alimony and child support.  However, the case also contained numerous rulings that should make practitioners review their Separation Agreement templates and change some of the ways in which they may have previously drafted certain sections. In this post we'll share actual language from the Gray Jay Endeavors, LLC form Separation Agreement template which addresses each of the issues raised by the Cavanagh decision.  If you are a professional interested in purchasing the full Separation Agreement template, check out Gray Jay's  forms subscription which includes editable Massachusetts court forms and financial st...
Post a Comment
Read more