Skip to main content

Is there NO CHANCE OF RECONCILIATION?

California Attorney Mark B. Baer started another great discussion on a LinkedIn group I belong to entitled:

ARE THERE OTHER FAMILY LAW ATTORNEYS WHO TRY AND HELP THEIR CLIENTS TO IMPROVE THEIR MARRIAGES BEFORE DISSOLVING THEM?

The answer is yes, and here were my comments in response to this discussion:
In Massachusetts the standard for a no-fault divorce is irretrievable breakdown and the party (or parties) requesting the divorce must testify under oath that their marriage has irretrievably broken down with no chance of reconciliation. Whenever I provide an initial consultation, I ask that question very seriously and slowly, emphasizing the "no chance of reconciliation." In many cases it is clear that the potential client hadn't considered their desire for a divorce from that standpoint, and in many cases they have difficulty stating that there is no chance of reconciliation. 

Because of the hesitation that so many potential clients show, I always inform them that I am not in the business of ending marriages, but rather in the business of helping dissolve the business partnership of a marriage when spouses have already come to the decision that their marriage is over. I am also not trained as a therapist, and so I recommend that if they are not sure about their decision, that they consult with a therapist either individually or as a couple before deciding whether to move forward with a divorce. 


Any attorney that doesn't ask that question, in my opinion, doesn't understand that the role of a family law attorney is different than in other areas of the law. We have to be sensitive to the fact that the decisions and positions we help advocate for have impacts far beyond the courtroom, both on the emotional well-being of our clients, and especially on their children. 

- Justin L. Kelsey, Esq.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

What is the purpose of the Divorce Nisi waiting period?

In Massachusetts the statutory waiting period after a Judgment of Divorce and before the divorce becomes final (or absolute) is called the Nisi period. After a divorce case settles or goes to trial, a Judgment of Divorce Nisi will issue and it will become Absolute after a further ninety (90) days. This waiting period serves the purpose of allowing parties to change their mind before the divorce becomes final. If the Judgment of Divorce Nisi has issued but not become final yet, and you and your spouse decide you don't want to get divorced, then you can file a Motion to Dismiss and the Judgment will be undone. Although many of my clients who are getting divorced think the idea of getting back together with their ex sounds crazy, I have had cases where this happened. In addition to offering a grace period to change your mind, the Nisi period has three other legal effects: 1. The most obvious effect of the waiting period is that you cannot remarry during the Nisi period, be

Does a Criminal Record affect Child Custody?

If one of the parents in a custody case has a criminal record, the types of crimes on their record could have an effect on their chances of obtaining custody. In custody cases the issue is always going to come down to whether or not the best interests of the child might be affected. In the most extreme case, in which one parent has been convicted of first degree murder of the other parent, the law specifically prohibits visitation with the children until they are of a suitable age to assent. Similarly, but to a less serious degree, in making custody and visitation determinations the court will consider crimes that would cause one to question the fitness of a parent. These types of crimes would obviously include any violent crime convictions which could call into question whether the children would be in danger around a parent who has shown themselves to resort to violence when faced with conflict. In addition, drug and alcohol abuse offenses would call into question a parent&#

The Questions that Lawyers and Mediators aren't asking but should: Let's talk about Pronouns

I recently had the opportunity to train with two of the most prominent mediators in Massachusetts: John Fiske and Diane Neumann . Each time they run a training, John and Diane share what they think is the most important question for a client to answer to have an effective mediation. John says that he thought the most important question is "What do I want?" But then he will tell you, with a knowing smile, that Diane disagreed with him and she would say that the most important question for a client to answer is "Who am I?" I agree with Diane. The best lawyers and mediators ask their clients not just about what they want, but also deep questions about the clients' identity, goals, and values in order to help the clients resolve conflict in the most effective way possible. Despite knowing this, we often fail to ask clients the simplest questions when we first meet them or have them fill out an intake. We fail to give them an opportunity to answer the question “W