The Case of Teddy Bear: A Legal Tug of War Over a Pomeranian by Nathaniel Butzke   Photo by  Fred Moon  on  Unsplash     The Massachusetts Appeals Court recently made a notable decision in an intriguing legal battle involving former romantic partners and a Pomeranian named Teddy Bear. The case,  Lyman v. Lanser , takes us through the complexities of shared possession of a jointly owned pet. The heart of the dispute was whether the parties’ agreement to share Teddy Bear equally could be legally enforced, an agreement similar to custody arrangements that we typically see concerning children.      Lyman and Lanser's story began with a mutual decision to purchase Teddy Bear in 2018. They followed a pattern of shared pet ownership and agreement to share custody should they separate. When the relationship ended in 2021, they managed to share Teddy Bear amicably. The conflict escalated when Lanser ceased communication and denied Lyman access to...

April Showers Brought May Flowers: How the Openshaws Prepared for Rainy Days Ahead  by Nathaniel Butzke      Just in time for the rainy season, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court shed new light on what it means to "live" a certain lifestyle as a married couple and how those habits should be reflected in post-divorce alimony. The case, Openshaw v. Openshaw (2024) , revolved around a couple who, during their marriage, didn't just focus on living well but also on saving wisely. When their marriage came to an end, the question arose: should their habit of saving be considered part of their marital lifestyle for the purposes of determining the appropriate amount of alimony?      The court's answer was a resounding YES . In essence, the court argued that saving isn't just a financial strategy; it's a way of life. For the Openshaws, who enjoyed a generous annual income far exceeding their living expenses, setting money aside wasn't merely about preparin...

In the last year there have been times due to the COVID-19 pandemic when the court was closed or significantly delayed.  Even now, more than a year after the lockdowns started, we are experiencing long delays in obtaining court dates.   @thatmediator Imagine there’s no weapons, how would we find peace? ##mediation ##mediatorsoftiktok ♬ Imagine (Originally Performed by John Lennon) - Piano Karaoke Version - Sing2Piano Fortunately, we have an answer for what to do if there is no court. You're not simply on your own, and in fact there are lots of ways to resolve conflict outside of court. Learn more about your options from these previous posts: Divorce Options - an Update for 2020 Replace your cancelled Court Hearing with a Mediation A Template for Avoiding Court You're Thinking about Conflict All Wrong: Is there a better way to think about conflict;  a model which can free us from our fear of conflict? How does a Divorce end? 😡, ☹️, or 🙂

In many divorce cases retirement accounts are the biggest, or at least one of the biggest, assets.  Because of that, it is imperative to understand the options for transferring and dividing retirement assets in a way that maximizes the benefits and minimizes taxes.  Informed Consent is the Most Important Thing when Dividing Retirement in Divorce You don't want to make significant financial decisions about your future without understanding the financial consequences.  Retirement accounts are complicated, vary greatly in their requirements & plan details, and can result in significant tax liability.  If you don't feel fully informed when agreeing to how a retirement account or multiple accounts are being divided, then you are taking a financial risk that most likely cannot be undone once your divorce is final.  To avoid making uninformed or bad decisions, consult with retirement division and financial experts for information and advice before making these deci...

Photo by  Sam Moqadam on Unsplash Divorce is complicated and one of the challenges is the push and pull between transparency and protecting oneself.  Individuals in a divorce often want to hide information that they are worried will concern their soon-to-be ex-spouse or in some way potentially disadvantage them in court or in a settlement process.  The choice of whether to be transparent about any choice, including the choice to hire a lawyer, has to be weighed against the pros and cons of that decision. As a mediator, I favor erring on the side of transparency.  If you hide something relevant during a negotiation where both spouses are supposed to be able to make informed decisions then you risk the negotiation failing and all future negotiations being conducted without any trust.  In other words, if you want your spouse to be transparent, you have to demonstrate that willingness as well.  This seems more obvious when you're considering keeping relevant i...

While the Hippocratic Oath is no longer required for doctors, we often hear the principle attributed to that ancient Greek oath for healers to "first, do no harm."  The translation is actually closer to "I will do no harm or injustice to them," but the sentiment is clear.  When trying to help someone, your first obligation is to not make things worse.   Today, I attended the third in a series of public forums held by the Child Support Guidelines Task Force giving people the opportunity to comment on what should change in the 2018 Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines.  What struck me about the testimony is that very few people commented on the guidelines themselves.  Rather they focused on the perceived impact of the guidelines and of the courts on family conflict.  Almost universally, the commenters suggested that changes were needed because the experience in court impoverished families, increased conflict, and hurt children. Whether calling for a ...

by Beth Aarons When a former family law colleague of mine told me about Collaborative Law Process sometime around 2008, conceptually it sounded much like a series of traditional four-way meetings, but with a therapist present.  As a fledgling dispute resolution process, I saw no harm in adding this skill set to my professional tool kit to bolster the transition of my practice out of litigation and into dispute resolution. It was not until several years after I had taken the Introduction to Collaborative Law training that I experienced the actual magic of Collaborative Law Process.  The family had been slowly imploding for years and now everything was coming to a head.* Mom and Dad still occupied the same house but had stopped speaking to each other years earlier after Dad had an infidelity.  They had decided to divorce but not tell the kids until there was a plan to separate into two households.  Mom had lost her job and Dad’s salary was not enough to cover two sets ...

If you have a court hearing scheduled in the next few weeks, most likely you've been told it's postponed.  While some hearings will be scheduled telephonically and by video conference, the COVID-19 pandemic is likely causing significant delays in obtaining a hearing and an order or judgment.  This is understandable as the court and the bar figure out how to adjust to this crisis.  Regardless of how understandable these delays are, though, the experience for individuals going through conflict must be frustrating, disappointing, and in some cases devastating. Now is the time to consider your alternatives to court. Mediation, conciliation, collaborative representation, and arbitration are all available options to those looking to resolve their issues without further delay.  Many of these dispute resolution professionals already have experience using videoconferencing to meet with clients and for us, our business has continued almost uninterrupted.  At my o...

UPDATE:  Chief Justice John D. Casey sends an  Open letter regarding co-parenting during COVID-19: "It is times like this, when society faces threats once thought unimaginable, that the rule of law is more important than ever... Parenting orders are not stayed during this period of time. In fact, it is important that children spend time with both of their parents and that each parent have the opportunity to engage in family activities, where provided for by court order. In cases where a parent must self-quarantine or is otherwise restricted from having contact with others, both parents should cooperate to allow for parenting time by video conference or telephone." Additional resources have become available during this crisis, please scroll to the bottom of this post for more resources. Co-Parenting in a Crisis: COVID-19 and Beyond by  Jennifer Hawthorne Mediators and collaborative professionals work with parents to create a realistic and practical parenting p...

Olivia De Recat created the amazingly simple but impactful image below.  There are multiple types of relationships depicted, and yet many more that could be added. There is beauty in both the simplicity and the depth of the drawing.  On my first viewing I thought of this quote from the movie Fight Club: "On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero."  The image reminds us that every relationship is finite, and that is both sad and powerful. Upon thinking about it more, I realized the drawing also shows how many ways our lives are touched by so many different types of relationships.  While we often try to process our relationships as good or bad, there is no judgment on the quality of a relationship based on its closeness over time.  There are just differences in how we experience our interactions with different people at different times in our lives. That also reminds me of how many different marriages there are.  As a divorce...

In 2014, we didn't know yet who would be running for president in the 2016 election, the Guardians of the Galaxy  had just arrived, Pharrell Williams was " Happy ", and the Ebola virus outbreak was reaching epidemic proportions in West Africa. Also, in 2014 we posted a 3-part article on Starting the Divorce Process , and despite how much has changed since 2014, divorce is pretty much the same.  You have a choice when getting divorced; you decide how much professional help you want, how much control you want to have over the outcome, and how much time and energy you have to devote to your divorce. What is different in 2020 is the continued growth in popularity of divorce process options that focus on family over fighting.  More professionals are trained every year in collaborative law and mediation.  Conscious uncoupling has become a buzzword for a better divorce. More and more resources are showing up to help explain the options in divorce in more understand...

When drafting a parenting plan for separated parents of minor children, there are some basic things that should be in every plan.  These include answering the following questions: Who has decision making responsibility (also known as legal custody)? Who has residential responsibility and when? In other words, design a base parenting schedule (also known as physical custody). When can the base schedule be changed? For example including a holiday and vacation schedule. Are there any necessary agreements around communication? Are there any limitations or notification requirements related to travel with the children? How and when can the schedule be changed? What other events require notification (such as illness of a child)? What is your plan for dealing with disagreements? Some parenting plans keep these terms relatively simple and leave a lot of room for flexibility between the parents.  There are pros and cons to any choice when drafting an agreement, and a flexi...

This is the first article in our series on Divorce Agreement drafting. For a list of the upcoming articles scroll to the bottom of this post.  If you want to jump right to our useful resources try these links: Download a free Agreement Checklist Download a free Memorandum of Understanding Buy a Divorce Agreement Template We hope you find these resources useful.  While our focus is on Massachusetts agreements, many of these tips will apply in other states as well.  Keep reading to learn more: What is the difference between a Memorandum of Understanding and a Divorce Agreement? To settle a divorce case in Massachusetts, the Probate and Family Court requires that the spouses file an agreement resolving all terms related to dissolving their marriage.  This is typically called a Divorce Agreement or Separation Agreement.  It is a public document that the judge must review and approve for a divorce to be finalized in Massachusetts. To be approved, ...

One of the principles of collaborative law is a team approach to joint problem solving.  The team approach to joint problem solving has numerous advantages: We're smarter together: each team member brings a different background and expertise to the team.  As the saying goes, a jack of all trades is a master of none.  On a team, each person can be a master of their trade and rely on others for the knowledge they can't individually maintain.  In addition, as humans, professional team members sometimes make mistakes.  When we are open to feedback from other professionals, there is a greater chance that mistakes are minimized and corrected, ultimately offering a better service or product to the clients. We're better together : each team member brings different experiences to problem solving.  Our experiences shape our ability to empathize and be creative in problem solving.  Having different experiences at the table increases the likelihood of spo...

Some Judges have long recognized the need for what Frank Sander called the "multi-door courthouse," a place where people in a dispute can find multiple ways of resolving that dispute, not just litigation. In a concurring opinion in the Cooper v. Keto case, Massachusetts Appeals Justice Brown pointed out that "Litigation should be the last option, not the first."   He also quoted a retired Judge's article in the Boston Bar Journal lamenting whether lawyers were adequately addressing this issue: "'technical competence' of lawyers to litigate is greater today than ever, but lawyers often 'fail to consider whether doing it is useful'." The good news is that many courts, especially family courts, are starting to recognize this need, and there are a more and more pilot programs taking place that provide opportunities for families to find alternative ways to resolve their conflict.  In Massachusetts, there is a program in the Hampshire ...

UPDATE: The MA SJC weighed in on this issue with a definitive "yes": in  Openshaw v. Openshaw - Massachusetts SJC Rules that when savings was part of the marital lifestyle then a judge may consider that history in determining a recipient's "need" for alimony in divorce: The SJC ruled that when the court finds that "ongoing, regular saving was part of the couple's standard of living during the long-term marriage and that the parties' combined postdissolution income is adequate to allow both spouses to maintain the standard of living enjoyed during the marriage" then a "judge may account for a divorcing  couple's custom of making regular contributions to their savings plans in determining, under G. L. c. 208, § 53 (alimony statute or § 53),  the amount of alimony needed to maintain the marital lifestyle." Original Post: In Massachusetts, Alimony is defined by the Alimony Reform Act of 2011 (the "Act").  We've previ...

In Divorce nothing is as simple as it may seem at first. This is just one of the reasons it's vitally important to obtain good financial and legal advice during the divorce process. Social Security is an example of how something that seems simple can actually be a very complicated discussion in divorce. Consider the question: Can Social Security benefits be transferred or divided as part of a divorce? The simple answer is no. The more complicated answer is that while the benefit itself cannot be transferred, Social Security does provide for benefits for divorced spouses in certain circumstances, and many courts have also ruled that the amount of a Social Security benefit can affect other determinations. For example, in Massachusetts the case of Mahoney v. Mahoney , held that the court could consider the Social Security benefit owed to the husband in that case when determining the equitable division of the wife's retirement benefit. In Mahoney, the trial Judge awarde...