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Parenting Plan Provisions - How Rigid or Flexible should You Be?

When drafting a parenting plan for separated parents of minor children, there are some basic things that should be in every plan.  These include answering the following questions: Who has decision making responsibility (also known as legal custody)? Who has residential responsibility and when? In other words, design a base parenting schedule (also known as physical custody). When can the base schedule be changed? For example including a holiday and vacation schedule. Are there any necessary agreements around communication? Are there any limitations or notification requirements related to travel with the children? How and when can the schedule be changed? What other events require notification (such as illness of a child)? What is your plan for dealing with disagreements? Some parenting plans keep these terms relatively simple and leave a lot of room for flexibility between the parents.  There are pros and cons to any choice when drafting an agreement, and a flexible or va

What is the difference between a Memorandum of Understanding and a Divorce Agreement?

This is the first article in our series on Divorce Agreement drafting. For a list of the upcoming articles scroll to the bottom of this post.  If you want to jump right to our useful resources try these links: Download a free Agreement Checklist Download a free Memorandum of Understanding Buy a Divorce Agreement Template We hope you find these resources useful.  While our focus is on Massachusetts agreements, many of these tips will apply in other states as well.  Keep reading to learn more: What is the difference between a Memorandum of Understanding and a Divorce Agreement? To settle a divorce case in Massachusetts, the Probate and Family Court requires that the spouses file an agreement resolving all terms related to dissolving their marriage.  This is typically called a Divorce Agreement or Separation Agreement.  It is a public document that the judge must review and approve for a divorce to be finalized in Massachusetts. To be approved, the Divorce Agreement mu

You're Thinking about Conflict All Wrong

Today is the third Thursday of October, which also happens to be Conflict Resolution Day.  While that may not seem as fun as International Pancake Day , Conflict Resolution Day is an opportunity to think about the challenges we face in our lives, and wonder: Is there a better way to think about conflict;  a model which can free us from our fear of conflict? Conflict is a part of everyday life.  In our individual struggles to survive, grow, connect, and control the world around us, we often find that someone or something is in our way or making it harder to reach our goals.  It is a natural, animal instinct to envision these conflicts as a simple dichotomy: me v. you, us v. them, plaintiff v. defendant, the hero v. the villain, etc.  We see conflict most simply as a tug of war between two positions, two competing interests.  But what if we're thinking about conflict all wrong. If I win, you lose.  If you win, I lose. Picturing conflict as a one-dimensional struggle

Respect the Team

One of the principles of collaborative law is a team approach to joint problem solving.  The team approach to joint problem solving has numerous advantages: We're smarter together: each team member brings a different background and expertise to the team.  As the saying goes, a jack of all trades is a master of none.  On a team, each person can be a master of their trade and rely on others for the knowledge they can't individually maintain.  In addition, as humans, professional team members sometimes make mistakes.  When we are open to feedback from other professionals, there is a greater chance that mistakes are minimized and corrected, ultimately offering a better service or product to the clients. We're better together : each team member brings different experiences to problem solving.  Our experiences shape our ability to empathize and be creative in problem solving.  Having different experiences at the table increases the likelihood of spotting biases that coul

When Dividing Retirement Accounts in Divorce the Division Date Matters

There are a number of questions that must be answered when dividing a retirement account in a divorce.  Divorcing couples are often focused specifically on the amount or percentage of the account funds that they are dividing.  It is also important, though, to identify the date of that division, and whether investment changes are included or not.  This information is necessary because dividing a retirement account is not as immediate as dividing a liquid asset. Dividing a retirement account in divorce requires a special court order (usually called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order or QDRO) .  The process of obtaining and implementing one of these orders is not immediate, and requires approval by both the court and the plan's administrator.  During this time, the account will change value.  Accounts change in value due to market fluctuations, but also due to withdrawals, loans, and ongoing contributions.  All of these changes can create havoc with a division if a clear date o

It's time for less BUTs in mediation

Use "and" instead of "but" .  It's a simple change that in conversation and writing can mean a world of difference.  That difference is inherent in how we hear and read the word "but".  "But" has a negating connotation, implying that everything that came before it isn't true. I think this is a valuable lesson, but it's not revolutionary.   I think this is a valuable lesson, and  it's not revolutionary. Which one of those sentences gives you the impression I think both things are true (which I in fact do believe)?  Obviously the "and" changes the way we read that sentence.  In fact, you only have to search google for the phrase  "and instead of but"  to see that many people have shared this idea before me.  It's not revolutionary, and it remains a valuable lesson, especially for mediators and negotiators. Frankie, a contributor on Medium, highlighted  that the importance of making this cha

Innovation in the Family Court: Real & Imagined

Some Judges have long recognized the need for what Frank Sander called the "multi-door courthouse," a place where people in a dispute can find multiple ways of resolving that dispute, not just litigation. In a concurring opinion in the Cooper v. Keto case, Massachusetts Appeals Justice Brown pointed out that "Litigation should be the last option, not the first."   He also quoted a retired Judge's article in the Boston Bar Journal lamenting whether lawyers were adequately addressing this issue: "'technical competence' of lawyers to litigate is greater today than ever, but lawyers often 'fail to consider whether doing it is useful'." The good news is that many courts, especially family courts, are starting to recognize this need, and there are a more and more pilot programs taking place that provide opportunities for families to find alternative ways to resolve their conflict.  In Massachusetts, there is a program in the Hampshire

Should Alimony Recipients be Able to Save for Retirement?

UPDATE: The MA SJC weighed in on this issue with a definitive "yes": in  Openshaw v. Openshaw - Massachusetts SJC Rules that when savings was part of the marital lifestyle then a judge may consider that history in determining a recipient's "need" for alimony in divorce: The SJC ruled that when the court finds that "ongoing, regular saving was part of the couple's standard of living during the long-term marriage and that the parties' combined postdissolution income is adequate to allow both spouses to maintain the standard of living enjoyed during the marriage" then a "judge may account for a divorcing  couple's custom of making regular contributions to their savings plans in determining, under G. L. c. 208, § 53 (alimony statute or § 53),  the amount of alimony needed to maintain the marital lifestyle." Original Post: In Massachusetts, Alimony is defined by the Alimony Reform Act of 2011 (the "Act").  We've previ

Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines on your iPhone

In 2017 and 2018 the Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines were updated twice, resulting in a new worksheet calculation that encompasses numerous changes from the prior iteration (2013).  Here are some useful resources explaining the changes: 8 Changes in the 2017 Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines 2018 Child Support Guidelines Update: Fixing the Table B Problem 2018 Child Support Guidelines Update: Fixing the Double Counting of Health Care and Child Care Credits While understanding how the calculation works is important, sometimes all we need is the ability to run a number of sample calculations quickly.  For that purpose you can use the court's pdf worksheet available here , or one of these useful tools: 2018 MA Child Support Calculator iPhone App this calculator is also available in a suite of calculators called: MA Divorce Calculators iPhone App and we also have a free online calculator that works in any web-browser: 2018 Massachusetts

Social Security Benefits in Divorce

In Divorce nothing is as simple as it may seem at first. This is just one of the reasons it's vitally important to obtain good financial and legal advice during the divorce process. Social Security is an example of how something that seems simple can actually be a very complicated discussion in divorce. Consider the question: Can Social Security benefits be transferred or divided as part of a divorce? The simple answer is no. The more complicated answer is that while the benefit itself cannot be transferred, Social Security does provide for benefits for divorced spouses in certain circumstances, and many courts have also ruled that the amount of a Social Security benefit can affect other determinations. For example, in Massachusetts the case of Mahoney v. Mahoney , held that the court could consider the Social Security benefit owed to the husband in that case when determining the equitable division of the wife's retirement benefit. In Mahoney, the trial Judge awarde

How long is a marriage? Balistreri v. Balistreri

How long is a marriage? It’s a seemingly straightforward question, but divorce and alimony laws over the years, and the complexities created by overuse of the courts, have complicated the issue. The Balistreri case , which came down from the Massachusetts Appeals Court on June 29, 2018, clarifies the question somewhat. The alimony statute defines the length of a marriage as “the number of months from the date of the legal marriage to the date of service of a complaint or petition for divorce or separate support.” M.G.L. c. 208 §48 . Balistreri addresses situations where there may be more than one complaint for divorce or separate support floating around. This may be because of hastiness to go to court before other options have been explored, which then lead to a resolution of an issue, so that the complaint is abandoned and does not result in a judgment. It may also be because parties may first file a complaint for separate support before following through with a complaint for div

Alimony and the Dis-Incentive to Earn More Income

While the definition and formula for alimony varies widely by jurisdiction, the payor and recipient's respective incomes are the key information in determining need and ability pay.  So it's no surprise that a key question in alimony disputes is whether the potential payor or potential recipient can earn more income than they currently are earning (or reporting).  In addition, sometimes spouses are concerned that the typical formulas used to calculate alimony will disincentive the payor or recipient from earning additional income because the additional income would then change the alimony amount. This was the subject of a recent question on the Massachusetts Bar Association's My Bar Access online forum .  The question focused on how to address this incentive in a case where the recipient (wife) was self-employed and the payor (husband) believed that the recipient was underemployed and could earn more.  The mediator was asking for ideas on how to build incentives into the

11 More Fun Out-of-Office Emails

Four years ago we posted our Top 6 Out-Of-Office E-mail Notices , and it's time for an update! We know that everyone wants an immediate response to their e-mails when possible, but sometimes there are legitimate reasons for being away from your e-mail.  We expect some disappointment when you get that immediate reply to an e-mail only to discover it's not a real reply but rather a notice that we won't be available for the next few days.  That is why we decided to try and lessen the impact of that disappointment with a little humor.  Judging by the amount of amused responses I received back, here are our top 11 auto-reply out-of-office messages since our last post : Auto-reply 1: Out of Office - Episode VIII I am out of the office because I have to get the mediation plans to Memphis Tennessee for the Academy of Professional Family Mediators 2017 Annual Conference.  To learn more about Mediation in my absence, visit our webpage or the APFM webpage . Auto-reply 2: