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Newtown Tragedy: Actions Speak Louder

These are the victims of the school shooting that occurred on the morning of Friday, December 14, 2012 at an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. We have purposefully not included a link to a news story in this post because the news is concentrating on the details of the gunman's life.  We believe that is a mistake.  Here is the information that we believe is important and undisputed: All of these victims deserved a longer life, and a better ending to their story. This tragedy was preventable, and future tragedies like this are preventable. Everyone of us has the ability to contribute in some way towards making our country a better place where violence like this is a history lesson instead of a headline. The only way that we can take away the power of one bad man to write the ending for these victims, is to change that ending by recognizing our ability to contribute, and taking action. We have all had three days now to voice our pain and outrage.  As a country w

A Tree Grows in your Office: A Metaphor for Divorce

We all know that to have a successful marriage, the relationship has to be nurtured and fed.  Spouses who do not pay attention to the needs of their relationship are doomed to grow apart instead of growing together.  But just because a marriage withers on the vine, doesn't mean that a divorce has to result in sour grapes. Many of the problems that prevent people from having a successful divorce stem from the false assumption that divorce is an endpoint. Divorce, like marriage, is a relationship.  Anyone who has been through a divorce can dispel the notion that a divorce is just an event, begun one day and over the next.  Divorce is a process, that takes time, requires patience, and still involves a relationship between spouses.  And when spouses have children together, that relationship doesn't end when the divorce becomes final, it continues for graduations, weddings, grandchildren and more. Divorce, like marriage, is a relationship.  Both at my firm and in many of th

How to explain the new Domesticated Animal Restraining Order provisions to your pet!

On October 31, 2012, a new statute took effect in Massachusetts adding protection for domesticated animals in restraining order cases.  This does not mean that you can obtain a restraining order for your puppy from that feisty dog next door.  The new provisions only allow for a court order relating to the possession, care and protection of a pet when a temporary or permanent vacate, stay away, restraining or no contact order is already in effect or has been requested.   In simpler terms: this new law allows custody orders and protection orders for pets to protect them from the abusers of their human owners. So what do you do when your pet asks you how this new law affects them?  We've provided some helpful answers to make that conversation go more smoothly: "Super Awesome Best Friend, how can I help protect you from that angry guy?" "That's not something you have to worry about anymore.  The court provided me with an order that prevents him from coming

What should you tell your child about your Evil Ex?

My oldest daughter and I have found a TV show that we both can agree on: Disney's Phineas and Ferb  (new episodes Fridays on Disney Channel, and available on Netflix Instant Watch).  The basic plot of the show is that two boys, Phineas and Ferb, create an unbelievable invention in each episode and have an adventure, while their older sister, Candace, tries to catch them in the act of doing something dangerous.  There is a side plot in most episodes involving their pet platypus, Perry, who also happens to be a secret agent foiling the plot of Dr. Doofenshmirtz, an inept evil scientist. Dr. Doofenshmirtz (as seen in Phineas and Ferb ) The reason the show also appeals to adults is that the characters are well rounded and experience everyday situations in addition to the incredible plot adventures.  In the episode I Scream, You Scream , for instance, we find out that Dr. Doofenshmirtz has an ex-wife, Charlene Doofenshmirtz, and a daughter, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz.  Vanessa is a te

Where do the candidates stand on DOMA?

The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) has been held unconstitutional by both the 1st and 2nd U.S. Circuit Courts of Appeals.  While we wait to see whether the Supreme Court will review these cases, you may have heard that there is an election coming up.  Whether or not the Supreme Court overturns DOMA, congress has the authority to repeal the Act if they so chose.  Since the major party presidential debates ignored this issue, you may not be fully aware of the party platforms on this issue. Each of the following parties has a presidential candidate running for president in 2012, and below we have excerpted their platforms' references to DOMA, same-sex marriage, and discrimination based on sexual orientation (click the links to read the entire platform): 2012 Republican Party Platform excerpts : "Defending Marriage Against An Activist Judiciary A serious threat to our country’s constitutional order, perhaps even more dangerous than presidential malfeasance, is an activi

When does 30 + 90 not equal 120? In Divorce Court!

As we covered in a previous post ( What happens after my Divorce Agreement is approved by a Judge? ), there is a 90-120 day waiting period after your divorce is allowed before it becomes final in Massachusetts. But that 90-120 day waiting period may not be exactly 90-120 days from your settlement date: If you filed a Joint Petition for Divorce in Massachusetts then you will participate in an uncontested divorce hearing and the Judge will then issue Findings of Fact the day of the hearing. A Judgment of Divorce Nisi will issue after thirty (30) days, and it will become Absolute after a further ninety (90) days. This means that if you file a Joint Petition for Divorce you are not legally and officially divorced until at least 120 days after the divorce hearing date. If you filed a Complaint for Divorce then your case will end either with a trial (if you don't settle) or an uncontested divorce hearing (if you settle). If you reach an Agreement, then a Judgment of Divorce Nisi w

Divorce in Massachusetts: 5 Things You Need to Know to Get Started

There are five questions you will need to answer to get started with a divorce in Massachusetts: 1. CAN you file for divorce in Massachusetts? 2. WHY are you getting divorced? 3. HOW will you get divorced? 4. WHO can help you get divorced? 5. WHERE will you get divorced? We answer each of these questions below: 1. CAN you file for divorce in Massachusetts? If you have been a resident of Massachusetts for one year then you can file for divorce in Massachusetts. Even if you have not been a resident for one year, you still may be able to file for divorce in Massachusetts but it may be complicated to determine. We created an infographic to clarify the confusing question of jurisdiction over a divorce case in Massachusetts by consolidating the statutes and case law into one chart available here: Can I file for divorce in Massachusetts? An Infographic. Just because you can file for divorce in Massachusetts, however, does not necessarily mean the court has jurisdiction o

The Divorce Roller-Coaster: An Infographic of Options

There are four tracks you can choose from to get divorced in Massachusetts: Direct Settlement Negotiation, Litigation, Mediation, or Collaborative Divorce. We created the following infographic to help you visualize the different tracks you can choose from, and how you might end up moving from one track to the other (as well as some of the important waypoints along the way): You may reprint or distribute this Infographic on your website so long as the copyright and contact information for Kelsey & Trask, P.C. remains attached to the bottom of the image. To reprint copy and paste the following code: <a href='http://familylaw.kelseytrask.com/blogimages/massachusetts_divorce_options.gif'><img style='display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 500px; height: 2083px; border-width:0px;' src='http://familylaw.kelseytrask.com/blogimages/massachusetts_divorce_options.gif' alt='' title='Clic

Can I file for divorce in Massachusetts? An Infographic

The following chart displays the paths for determining whether you qualify to file a divorce in Massachusetts. Our hope is that this infographic can help clarify the confusing question of jurisdiction over a divorce case in Massachusetts by consolidating the statutes and case law into one chart. As we discussed in a previous post , just because you can file for divorce does not necessarily mean the court has jurisdiction over all issues in your case. If your case involves residency, property, or children living in multiple states, you should definitely consult with an attorney . You may reprint or distribute this Infographic on your website so long as the copyright and contact information for Kelsey & Trask, P.C. remains attached to the bottom of the image. To reprint copy and paste the following code: <a href='http://familylaw.kelseytrask.com/blogimages/massachusetts_divorce_jurisdiction.gif'><img style='display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text

CPR: Co-Parenting with Respect: A program designed for parents who want to co-parent more effectively.

Guest Post Introduction: Jill Reiter LICSW and 2 other highly trained and experienced mental health professionals combined their education, years of experience and knowledge to create a well thought out educational program that addresses the complications involved in co-parenting through and after divorce. This program has been implemented in the Denver area with great success! The Co-Parenting with Respect or CPR program is now available in Concord, MA. Jill provided us with the following guest post describing the CPR Program: CPR: Co-Parenting with Respect: A program designed for parents who want to co-parent more effectively. Co-Parenting with Respect through and after divorce is a concept that has been plaguing parents, attorneys, therapists, judges and children for years. How do we assist families in high conflict to continue to interact respectfully in an effort to offer their children what they need in spite of their current personal struggles? How does the C

The Best Advice for Surviving Divorce: Remember the Serenity Prayer!

When divorcing clients get upset, I find it is most often due to things they cannot control, such as the behavior or choices of their ex-spouse.  The best counsel I have found in those situations is to encourage clients to work on the items they have control over, and to find ways to make peace with the things they cannot control.  This advice is essentially stolen from the serenity prayer: The things you cannot change: In a divorce case, you do not have control over what your spouse does.  You can ask the court to make orders that limit or direct certain behavior, but those orders are still only pieces of paper.  Violations of those orders will have consequences, but that process can still be time consuming and often frustrating for clients.  When that frustration takes hold, it is important to remember that you do not control what other people do, but you do control your reaction to what they do. Courage to change the things you can: When you want to react to the problems

Probate & Family Court Amends Procedures for Post-Hearing Motions

Standing Order 2-99 of the Massachusetts Probate and Family Court governs the proper procedures for submitting post-hearing Motions to the Probate and Family Court.  Per the Court's recent Press Release , amendments to this Standing Order, which took effect on July 2, 2012, clarify what types of motions may be submitted in these situations. It had become common under the old version of the order for parties to file a Motion for Reconsideration or a Motion for Clarification after receiving an unfavorable Judgment or Order after a hearing in the Probate and Family Court.  The old rule made specific reference to these types of Motions.    However, there is no specific Massachusetts Domestic Relations Procedure Rule  that allows for Motions for Reconsideration or Motions for Clarification specifically.  Under Massachusetts Domestics Relations Procedure Rule 60  a Motion for Relief from Judgment and Order may be brought, but only for very specific reasons. The amendments to the S

What would you change about the Child Support Guidelines?

The current Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines  became effective on January 1, 2009 and another update may be on the way.  The Massachusetts Trial Court is currently seeking public comment and suggestions concerning potential changes to  the Massachusetts Child Support Guidelines. The Child Support Guidelines Task Force which will consider potential changes will accept written comments and brief oral statements (limited to three minutes) at five public forums to be held in September, 2012.  The dates and times of the public forums are available here. Written comments can be submitted to the Child Support Guidelines Task Force at: The Administrative Office of the Trial Court; Suite 540, Two Center Plaza; Boston, MA 02108 or via email at: childsupport@jud.state.ma.us . The deadline for submission of all comments is September 30, 2012. To calculate child support under the current guidelines visit our Massachusetts Child Support Calculator here.

When does Alimony End?

Until 2011, there was no formula enacted or endorsed by the Massachusetts Legislature or the Courts for the calculation of duration of alimony. However, on September 26, 2011, Governor Deval Patrick signed into law The Alimony Reform Act of 2011 , which became effective on March 1, 2012. The act provides for multiple types of alimony, and for maximum amounts and duration of alimony. The new law also limits the duration of General Term Alimony : General Term Alimony Ends Upon: Remarriage of the recipient; Death of the recipient; Death of the payor (though the court may order life insurance or reasonable security for payment of sums due to the recipient in the event of the payor's death during the alimony term); Except when the court finds that deviation is warranted, upon the expiration of the duration formula calculated below; Upon the cohabitation of the recipient spouse with another person for a continuous period of at least three months (may also result in suspensio

What is Full Retirement Age? - New Online Calculator.

Pursuant to the Alimony Reform Act of 2011 , there is a presumption that general term alimony ends upon the payor attaining Full Retirement Age, when he or she is eligible for the old-age retirement benefit under the United States Old-Age, Disability, and Survivors Insurance Act, 42 U.S.C. 416. The presumption can be rebutted but it requires clear and convincing evidence. The Social Security Full Retirement Age may be different than your actual retirement date. Kelsey & Trask, P.C. has created an online calculator to help you determine your Full Retirement Age and retirement date by simply entering your birth date. Click here to try the Calculator. The Calculator is based on the information available below which is taken directly from the Social Security website: If you were born in 1944 or earlier, you are already eligible for your full Social Security benefit. If you were born from 1943 to 1960, the age at which full retirement benefits are payable increases gr

Is Visitation an Outdated term?

I once overheard an older relative ask one of my cousins if her husband was babysitting their children.  Since my cousin didn't have the children with her, the older relative was simply asking if the children were with their father.  But my cousin heard it differently.  She answered that he was their father and didn't "babysit", he "parented" their children. For those who grew up at at time when Ward Cleaver was the typical father figure, only entering the picture to discipline the children or throw a ball with them, if a father is taking care of the children while mom is out that is unusual.  But the newest generation of parents grew up with the hands-on parenting of Dr. Huxtable and Danny Tanner .  To what extent TV is just reflecting the change in societal norms or affecting them is beyond the scope of this post.  But clearly there has been a shift regarding how involved the average father is in the everyday parenting responsibilities. If the notion

Besides an Attorney, what professionals might be involved in my Divorce case?

In a litigated divorce , you will often have the need to involve experts to clarify certain issues, and in some instances to testify.  These can include appraisers, brokers, financial valuation or vocational experts, mental health practitioners, GAL s, and parent coordinators .  Whether or not a professional is needed to assist will depend on the issues in your case.  For example, if the parties can agree on the value of real estate than an appraiser would not be needed, but if they can't then a real estate appraiser will be needed to evaluate the value of the asset and potentially testify if the other party disagrees. The Collaborative Divorce process  typically includes a team approach to divorce which utilizes specialized professionals to assist the attorneys.  There are many instances where another professional can assist in moving a case forward and reduce the cost spent on attorney's time.  Here are just some of the types of other professionals that might be involved:

What can we learn from Katie Holmes divorce filing against Tom Cruise?

If you live in a cave, then maybe you haven't heard that TomKat is no more.   As reported by TMZ , Katie Holmes has filed for divorce from Tom Cruise and according to the pleadings she is seeking sole legal and physical custody of their daughter Suri. What I find interesting is not the fact that another celebrity couple has called it quits.  Celebrities getting divorced is hardly even surprising news anymore.  Okay, it is a little interesting that this would be Tom's third divorce and, according to the Huffington Post , all three occurred when his wives turned 33. But what I find most interesting is how the media has been reporting the divorce filings and what it says about how we perceive custody battles. Specifically the Huffington Post had the following headline on an article about the divorce filings: Suri Cruise Custody: Katie Holmes Reportedly Seeks Full Custody In Divorce From Tom Cruise When I first read this I immediately cringed, because I am so often telling c